why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
