smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
