please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
