I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
