You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
