somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
