nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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