she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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