It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My cat gives me a boner
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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