I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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