I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
