girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize