Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
