I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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