you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
