I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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