We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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