Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
