I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My vagina is officially offended.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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