I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
