im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
