my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
