break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
