When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
