Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
