I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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