If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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