She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
