i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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