Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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