I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
