I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I think a kid would responsible me up
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Randomize