i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
