Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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