I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
