remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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