she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
