i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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