I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
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Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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