My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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