what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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