I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
