He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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