I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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