it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
