Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize