I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
