paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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