first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
i out mim tonsoeep
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