so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
The power of my boobs compel you
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
