i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
