Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
