I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
