i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
