if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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