I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
