I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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