We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Randomize
