I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
