Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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